What gives me joy?
I’ve been thinking a lot about this in the context of creating, building, developing thought, etc. I think that for a big part of my life, I’ve believed that it was {gasp} wrong to pursue joy. This seems strangely ironic given that much of my life is spent encouraging others to do just that, but somehow for me life had become a series of obligations and follow-ups.
It’s only recently that I’ve come to terms with the fact that chasing joy is not a bad thing. I don’t mean happiness, which is fleeting and will ebb and flow depending on circumstance. I mean joy, which is the deep, inner sense of satisfaction and perspective.
I think it was my early training that led to this warped understanding. I came to an early belief that the pursuit of anything that would give me pleasure was forbidden. My lot is to ensure that everyone else has what they need, then to take the scraps. If that. The idea of living a life that wasn’t full of obligation seemed…so…wrong.
This has become clear to me once more as my (THREE!) children have grown and obsessed more of my time. What used to be a leisurely 5:30-7:30am study/writing/creating time became punctuated with frequent interruptions, crying, and finally the 6:30am entrance of my oldest son into my home office. Now I was sleep-deprived, frustrated and ultimately under-prepared for my day. While I find joy in these early morning interactions with my children, I must say that I resented (for a season) the tradeoff of productive time. But because I was so entrenched in the mindset that pursuing joy was wrong, I simply resigned myself to this new reality and didn’t try to find ways to change the circumstances. I was reacting.
Then I suddenly realized that – the more deeply I engaged with my children – the deeper my joy became. I began to see that what I thought was obstructing my pursuit of joy was actually enhancing it. I found that the deep study and writing time was one entry point into creative thought, but so was spending thirty minutes reading “The Silver Chair” to my son and answering his questions. And as I embraced this new understanding, I realized that my thoughts were deepening, my rootedness was growing, and I was more expansive in my thoughts and engagement.
Our lives are like sand being sifted and shaken down in a jar. We cannot be attached to one configuration at the expense of another, newer one. We must be perpetually adjusting to make room for more, but enjoying and embracing each moment as it comes. All the “stuff” is still there – the jar provides the parameters. (Call the parameters the “disciplines” if you want.) Disciplines are critical, and we need our “untouchables”, but it’s important to remember that the disciplines exist only to free us up to have new experiences. Joyful experiences.
So, I guess I’m answering the question “what gives me joy?” in new ways these days. It’s more about deep, meaningful and fleeting experiences than about broad, disciplined, systemic understanding. I still pursue the latter, but not at the expense of the former. It’s about shifting to a better understanding of what it means to be human. To engage. To create.
So…I’d love to hear from you…what brings you joy? What causes you to want to make, experience and engage?
Todd,
What brings me joy is music; creating it, hearing it, thinking about it and most importantly hearing it. Joy is that which sometime is hard to completely explain other than to see the emotion on my face, hear it in my voice and understand that it feels so good its hard to describe in its entirety.
Clarity, Resolution and Simplicity. Visualy, aestheticaly and intellectually. But most of all to know that my children are walking in truth.
This topic is interesting because I have had difficulty in my creative journey (and just in life) in defining the difference between joy and happiness from time to time. I think it comes with maturity in knowing ones self. I feel joy whenever I can create dynamic ideas or imagery in way that can change someone’s perspective positively. Generally my approach to joy, is that it is more of a decision to be joyful. Happiness is a feeling that comes and goes.
Being a part of a community and connecting (especially in real flesh and blood!) with people. Making music and experiencing music and art made by others.
Joy happens for me when several pieces come together and unexpectedly just hum. Software design, graphic design, or even just a serendipitously good day on vacation – when the forces of the universe seem aligned with my own efforts and being, and the result is better than I expected, or sometimes even imagined. This isn’t the same as grooving, which is often hard work and a lot of fun, or the joyful feeling I get sometimes without warning, whether from music, my sweetheart’s face, or that communal jubilation that swept thru Seattle streets on election night.
I’m not sure how I feel about chasing that joy. Thanks for the entry – I’m in the middle (beginning?) of a career change and I’m digging deep into questions just like this.
Everyday as I watch my children learn, create, pray… I am filled with joy. I am elated with their discoveries as I watch them grow as human beings. Also, what brings me great joy, is helping others thrive and reach their goals whether it is a creative or a non-creative experience. Being a part of the process of reaching a goal and finally getting there gives me satisfaction of glee. The ability to bask in moments of satisfaction with others, especially my children brings me ultimate joy.
For me…joy is a who not a what. Relationships bring me joy and growing in those relationships. People recharge me and touch me deeply. I agree happiness is fleeting and rooted in circumstances. Joy is an inner connection to an immovable hope in my relationships. Now, not everyone brings me joy but some of my relationships do.
I am not 100% certain that I know the difference between joy and happiness.
If I were to define happiness for myself, it would be an overall conscious positive emotional and intellectual state of well-being which includes an optimistic mindset through challenges and quiet satisfaction through success.
Joy, for me, takes on many flavors and appears like an unexpected golden nugget. Just last night, for a few moments I was able to shut off all mind chatter and be there – in the moment – to answer questions from my 3 year old daughter about where and when we obtained each and every Christmas tree ornament. We lay on the couch gazing at the tree as she explained how her and Mommy carefully hung the breakable bulbs and fastened the ribbons.
I am seldom pleased with my own work but recently was able to step back from a project and say, “this is good!” I felt joy.
Relaxed and intellectually stimulating conversations have given me joy.
My thoughts are that little blasts of “quick release” endorphins are released at these moments of joy, and happiness may be more of a “time release” formula.
Life.
Solving Problems
My children are my greatest joy. They are something that God created within me, and I have the priveledge of watching them grow and learn.
Another thing that gives me great joy is sunlight. As someone who is slowly working their way into amateur photography, every beam of sunlight is like a touch from God, and I’m drawn to those areas of light for both warmth, and a glimpse of God’s beautiful creation.
Joy “happens” whenever I allow it. It comes softly or rushes forth or sneaks up, all in delightful fashion, when I refuse to live as a fragmented person.
For example, when I was dishes as though it were a chore, hands busy with one task while my mind is busy elsewhere, I am fragmented. I want to hurry up and get this mundane task finished so I can get to what I really want to do. No joy. But if I focus my mind on the task, experiencing the tactile sensations of water and soap, see the intrinsic beauty of geometric form, move in familiar rhythms around the kitchen with my husband, and hold present in my heart the goodness of living in cooperative love, I am in that moment whole. Joy is intrinsic in whole living.
I once spent an afternoon sitting on rush mats with women whose limbs were being devoured by untreated leprosy. When I allowed my mind to focus on their problem, and my inability to do anything to help them, all I felt was pain and frustration. I could scarcely bear to look at them. But when I laid aside my own inadequacy, focusing on them instead, the joy was overwhelming. These women were happy just to love and feel loved. They wanted to be touched, validated, seen…and our mutual joy came from freely enjoying each other in the present moment.
In our society, joyful living requires a concerted effort to change mindsets. “Chasing time” is our usual mindset. I love your anecdote about morning children – it reminded me of the Jesus story where he welcomed the interruptions of children, and rebuked his followers for discouraging them. I’ve been raising children for 25 years, and sometimes wonder if it will ever be “my time”…you reminded me that this is my time.