The Paradox of Rejection

“Ill hath he chosen his part who seeks to please
The worthless world, – ill hath he chosen his part,
For often must he wear the look of ease
When grief is at his heart;
And often in his hours of happier feeling
With sorrow must his countenance be hung,
And ever his own better thoughts concealing
Must he in stupid Grandeur’s praise be loud,
And to the errors of the ignorant crowd
Assent with lying tongue.”

These words belong to Michelangelo, who in his lifetime faced criticism, rebuke from authorities, moralistic questioning and reprimand from his patrons. It is often tempting to think that the great masters experienced a freedom that many contemporary commercial artists lack, but in reality many of the same pressures have been present in the “create-on-demand” world for centuries. (The difference being, of course, that your client isn’t likely to kill you if you displease them.)

This morning I was reading in Mark Rothko’s The Artist’s Reality: Philosophies of Art and was reflecting on a few instances of rejection that I’ve recently experienced in my work. It can be easy to toss a bit of “self-help-hyper-psycho-babblish” language at these situations, but the reality is that each instance of rejection is akin to a minor earthquake. It takes a few minutes to decide if everything is still intact, if all of the familiar landmarks are still there, etc. All of our perceptions of our work, our value, our identity, etc., are so fragile and easily disturbed and called into question.

Our identity is not determined by our creating, but it is an expression of it. So any rejection of our creating can, if we are not cautious, begin to usurp our sense of purpose and worth. It can be as if our reason for being is in question. The temptation at that point is to (1) disassociate ourselves from the judgment and circle the wagons, (2) discount the judgment as useless and ignorant, or (3) to come out with full guns blazing and defend our work.

The paradox of rejection is that, if treated properly, it can be a tremendous source of growth for artists. In order to do this, however, we must be aware enough to properly respond to the situation and not react out of self-defense. Here are a few questions that help me when I’m tempted to check out of life:

1. What is the kernel of truth in this feedback? It’s important to separate the feedback from the source. Don’t allow baggage over past conflicts to taint what could be very helpful advice.

2. What should I change next time? Are there any specific action steps that could help me better engage my work?

3. Can I move forward with a clean conscience? In other words, am I holding this against the person who’s delivering the feedback or can I be confident that I can work with this person in the future without letting this instance taint our working relationship? Interactions with authorities, (especially dysfunctional ones), can lead to residue and baggage. We need to keep ourselves clean.

In addition to this, I also typically spend a lot of time processing and writing about my learnings from the rejection so that I am certain not to allow it to attach itself in an unhealthy way to my creative process.

So…how do you deal with rejection of your work?